Gralyn J. Photography

Photographer: Sometimes I wonder if I want to take photos anymore. Mind: You should probably just quit then. Photographer: But I’ve come so far. Mind: This is a lot of heartache and emotional and financial stress. Photographer: But sometimes it's ok to not be ok. Sometimes if you want to take your business further you have to hit a low before you can go above and beyond with it. Mind: But this rough patch has lasted so long. You'll never get out of it. Photographer: Patience is powerful. Sometimes it takes a while for things to pay off. Mind: But this is too hard. Photographer: That just means you have passion. That you care. And you should never give up on something that you care this deeply about. Mind: Let’s keep everything comfortable and stop pushing ourselves. That’s so much easier. Photographer: I'm sorry. Mind: No need to apologize, lets just ease up on yourself for a while. Photographer: No, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you I...

I'm supposed to be a Mom.  I struggle with anxiety and depression.  You won't understand what that means until you've dealt with it first hand. Sometimes it means not wanting to get out of bed, just wanting to sleep your days away. Sometimes it means being dizzy or sick all day and not being able to carry out even simple tasks. Sometimes it can drive people away, or bring you to the wrong ones. I'm supposed to be a Mom. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have scars both physical and emotional. I have people who have called me many different things. I was never weak. I've always been the strong one. I'm supposed to be a Mom. But my children help me far more than I could ever do for them. But I'm so scared about what will happen. But I'm living for others. But I'm sick all the time. But... I'm supposed to be a Mom. My children are my pets, my Linden, my Mae and my Mav. My anxiety is a real thing. My body needs help...

I am sitting before work going through Facebook, scrolling like most people do, finding people I went to high school with and some I've never met. Their feeds are full of parties, concerts, friends and just all around fun. I wish I could do this. I wish I could go to work without getting nervous. I wish I could go to take photos without throwing up. I wish I could watch intense movies that make your heart race and you cry your eyes out. I wish I could go to places with loud music. I wish I could get off my butt and take my dog for a walk without feeling sick about leaving the house. I'm tired of anxiety. I don't want to have to keep searching for new medication, or have people tell me it's all in my head. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm ok. I'm tired if people asking me if I "can do this". I'm tired of feeling sick. I'm tired of not going out. I'm tired of limiting my choices. I'm tired of people looking at m...

 I am so excited. I also haven't really been ranting lately, Oops! But oh well, I have been writing since I was really little. Before I could spell I was writing stories and I finally published a book! Then another!     Running From Survival was the third book I ever wrote. My first one was started when I was in Elementary school and I was bullied so badly for wanting to be a writer that I gave up. I put the pencil down and played sports for a while, like people wanted me to. I played lots of soccer, I worked on art, school of course, and worked around the farm. When I reached middle school we started different writing projects, all of which I got full marks in. It re-ignited the passion that I had for writing and I started again. Short stories about haunted summer camps, vampires, and lost creatures from other dimensions caught my friends interests and kept them reading, which kept me writing. One of my friends wanted to use the first book in the sequence, 'Ibli...

I can honestly say I've never been so exhausted in my life. After being on medication for nearly a year I felt that I was in a strong enough place to stop and be ok on my own. I went three months without my medication before I began feeling exhausted and run down all the time. I watched TV until 12 sometimes 2 in the morning to escape my thoughts, I didn't sleep when I tried and studying was a chore. After my week of exams I started working full time hours again, which at my job was easy to do because my coworkers (boss included) were so damn wonderful. But my sleep continued to be patchy and out of sorts, forcing me back into the doctors office. I asked about my sleep and the all around patterns I had been seeing in myself, landing myself back on my original medication and dosage. After an array of flu symptoms and a numb face, I went to see a different Dr because mine wasn't in the office. After pokes and prodes it was determined that I hadn't had a stoke. Yay? Bu...

For my Brother... Who I could never explain this feeling to, I hope this helps, and I hope you never feel this way.     Three months ago I struggled with migraines, chest pains and paranoia. I couldn't explain my feelings and everything hurt. I kept my anxiety/depression off of social media for years because it wasn't real to me. It was all in my head and people who had these things were weird and seeking attention.  Now that I am finally getting a handle on it I think it's time to share what it's actually about. (This leaves out bullying (School and religious groups), and work factors that contributed) When I was 11 I started to get chest pains, I had insomnia and random panic attacks about my family being killed or not coming back to my brother and I. Anxiety had worked it's way into my life in a very real way and was taking over my thoughts and my life. I stopped going to birthdays, social events and some days even school. For a few years after movin...