Life is a Journey

 When Caleb and I got engaged the first question that many people asked was “Are you pregnant?”.

Let’s backtrack a ways…

Caleb has been my best friend since we were in grade 7. We met in middle school and became quickly inseparable. He moved away for about a year and it was one of the dullest years of my life. We went through high school together, branding pens, nights out, double dates (he with his girlfriend and me with my boyfriend). He was my short friend and I was his chubby friend (my words, not his).  

After we graduated I stayed around the Okanagan and applied to schools there. He moved to Alberta. We talked daily, like we always had and the days we didn’t chat we always made sure to catch up later in the week. He came back to the Okanagan to visit his family and seeing him again made me realize that I didn’t want to be without him ever again. Life fell into place when he went back to Alberta and quickly realized the same thing about me. 

It was only a few short months later that we were dating officially, and engaged the month following. We were planning our wedding for the following June but both decided we didn’t want a June wedding, October was more for us and why not just get it done that fall. 

Dating, engaged, and married all within 8 months. 

“When are you having kids?”

Ah, the most common question for those in serious relationships. I don’t know about you, but we got it a lot. Weddings, social events, Christmas party’s, rodeos, heck even at the grocery store. The truth of it is, it’s no one’s business outside of the relationship. It’s up to you and your spouse when you want, or if you want, to have kids (You might remember my post “For my Dog People”).  

A few years into our marriage I was starting to wonder when we were having kids too. Caleb and I had both agreed that we wanted to be parents one day, and it would happen when it happened. But then it didn’t happen, and it kept not happening. The most intrusive thoughts kept springing themselves on me, “I’ve failed as a woman”, “I can’t have kids”, “I can’t give Caleb kids”, “I can’t give our parents grandkids”, “there will be no one to visit us when we’re old”…

I felt sick about it for some time. I went to my doctor and was able to get a refferal to PCRM (Pacific Center for Reproductive Medicine). After another year of waiting we got a call from one of the doctors there who took down a lot of information, sent us in for bloodwork, various tests, various invasive tests and updated things on our records. After about a month I got a phone call that my egg storage was heavily depleted. I started seeing a natural-path to bring down stress, massage therapist to make sure my body was happy, increased supplements, exercised more frequently, upped my water intake and changed our diets.

After another year we both had to apply to see a doctor there separately. More blood work, more incredibly invasive tests and still very few answers. Caleb went in for some “final” test that revealed that he is completely healthy, fatherhood wise. I was complimented numerous times on the positioning of my internal organs and how they are “the perfect shape” and right where they should be. I often giggle to myself about that in low moments. 

Not 4 months after we got a call from a new doctor, a female this time, who was incredibly thorough, had both Caleb and I on the phone for our appointments and was just as interested as him as she was me. She reviewed his tests with us and told us that she was going to have their admin team send over some options that we need to look over. There was one more test she would like from me, and one more from Caleb. It was a quick phone call with a lot of information. Soon after we got the email: It was regarding information on IVF or IUI. 

I was still a bit defeated but IVF and IUI didn’t mean NEVER for our parenthood journey. Work would cover some of the costs and we just had to get through my final test before they would book us in for everything and start the processes. Work and interfered with some timing so by the time I could book in for the tests it was January of 2025. 

But then the strangest thing happened. I was so prepared and so ready to go in for treatments the summer 2025 that I kept thinking about getting back to them- But I couldn’t. For the first time in my life I looked at that silly stick and saw two little pink lines. Roughly 5 months before we were supposed to be in the clinic for treatments, I couldn’t call them to book dates because I was, finally, already pregnant with a little miracle. 

Four years of infertility and I was crying in my friend’s bathroom reading the test and making sure I saw it correctly. It was finally happening for us. I wasn’t defective and there was nothing wrong with me. 

Now the hard part was coming… Keeping it a secret until after 15 Weeks.